Advice for Parents: How to Stay Together? From Being a Couple to Parents
photo credit: Marina Pics
Advice for Parents
How to Stay Together? From Being a Couple to Parents
The preoccupations of couples that have become parents are quite numerous. The fatigue, the unknown, conflicts in values, sharing tasks for newborn and lack of time for your self can bring about many tensions and cause stress.
Within a couple, there consists two people with their own histories and their respective personalities. With the arrival of a child it creates its own dilemma with new questions. (Educational, reorganization of finances etc..) These questions will sometimes lead to difficulties that were already present in the couple. Since the parents are already leading busy lives these important discussions are usually postponed to a later date.
Women in particular, when they have something to vent about their partner usually withhold their feelings, this can put a detriment in the relationship. As the intimate moments become more rare, the lack of time spent together decreases a couple’s interest for sexuality-at least during the post-partum stage and this can generate pressure. When the routine takes over, there is an accumulation of dissatisfaction that is unspoken because we do not take the time for our self and to reconnect.
A couple will begin to lose sight, they feel more like parents than lovers and destabilized by the low desire.
In becoming parents, the visions of the nuclear family become more defined. It is important to spend time as a couple and as a family. Couples need to answer the question, “What parental models do you want to aspire to? What responsibilities and tasks can and should be shared?” In responding to these questions, every couple will be different and the upbringing of each parent influences their visions, choices and decisions.
The arrival of children can test the compatibility of individuals. If there is a good compatibility the couple will adjust and find solutions. If the compatibility is problematic this will create tensions.
What are the Key Factors for Successfully Staying Together as a Couple?
Communications is the key success and resides in the way you react to change. Once a couple, identifies the sources of stress- you can discuss to find solutions. Many couples will seek professional help outside others will consult books and family. The goal is to recognize that the needs of each and respond in accepting that the problems cannot be resolved in a day. The more partners can talk and exchange the more they are capable to build a team.
Before becoming parents, recall that you were a couple, before being a couple-individuals. Ideally, you must not lose sight of all three.
From being one person to two, equilibrium must have been created from the times spent alone and those as a couple. When children arrive, you must create a new family equilibrium while considering the couple. If we lose sight of the couple when the children leave, what remains are two individuals that have not much in common.
The objective is to attain and find a just equilibrium some time for you, couple and family time. For each case, it’s best to take some time everyday to focus on this rather than waiting for a moment to arrive-since those days never come about and when they do are unrealistic.
In practice, the father usually maintains his personal activities (sports, get together with friends etc..) In fact, they are right, because equilibrium is important. Mothers should imitate Fathers more often. As they have a tendency to be more attached to the child, fathers have a role to play and take initiative to go out as a couple, by suggesting a simple candle light dinner and arranging it with grandparents/relatives to baby-sit the children from time to time.
Many mothers have difficulty getting out of the mother-child relationship and therefore it is the father who needs to reestablish the family dynamics-a father and mother in love with each other and with a baby.
If parents cannot find equilibrium the child may become the only connection of the couple. There is a risk that the children will become their source of union and pretext to be together in the central nucleolus of the couple. Get the family help you need today!
Filed under: Advice for Parents
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